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The Wellesley News
  • News & Investigation
    • Senate Report
    • News in Brief
  • Features
  • Opinions
    • Letters to the Editor
    • Staff Editorial
  • The Wellesley Snooze
  • Arts & Culture
  • Sports
  • Podcast
  • About
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    • Join the staff
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    • Anonymous News Tip
  • More
    The student newspaper of Wellesley College since 1901

    The Wellesley News

    The Wellesley News
    • News & Investigation
      • Senate Report
      • News in Brief
    • Features
    • Opinions
      • Letters to the Editor
      • Staff Editorial
    • The Wellesley Snooze
    • Arts & Culture
    • Sports
    • Podcast
    • About
      • Staff
      • Join the staff
      • Advertise
      • Anonymous News Tip
    • More
      The student newspaper of Wellesley College since 1901

      The Wellesley News

      BREAKING: Lofi Girl Mental Breakdown LIVE

      Arianna Ridgeway, Just Trying to Study | April 3, 2025 | 141 Views
      BREAKING: Lofi Girl Mental Breakdown LIVE

      Viewers were alarmed one studious evening to find that Lofi Girl was not studying. Instead of studying, she was seen aggressively cutting off random locks of hair for a new set of bangs.

      “I’ve had it!!! Screw all of this! I have a horrendous hand cramp from writing for like a million hours for my interspecies fanfic! Then all these studios rejected the script to turn it into a movie!”

      One viewer commented, “I had always assumed that she was studying alongside me while I did my bio hw, but after zooming in on what she was writing, I saw words I was scared to look up.”

      Another wrote, “Did anyone else see the nuclear codes she wrote down? Maybe she was also added to a top national secret group chat like that Atlantic journalist?”

      After ranting to the camera for a few hours about how demonic aliens control the screen and how “ritualistic sacrifices to the algorithm amount to nothing in a dead mechanized, timeless void”, she commanded viewers to “reckon with the evil lying in us that chooses algorithmic subordination”. At the end of the stream, she stood up to smash the lens with a hammer in Luddite fashion, only to promptly fall because she lost all feeling in her legs from sitting for too long.

      Since this event, Wellesley Wellness has decided to run an info session on how to prevent burnout.

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